Tag: Holiday season

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Advent Reflections for Single Parents & Other Rare Species 4

December 4th

 

Difficult Days

At this time of advent, both highs and lows can feel more intense. Some intelligent person (I can’t remember who), said that we should expect at least one or two difficult days each week. With the plethora of self help news and views of social media these days, it may seem that we should miraculously be able to manifest all we truly desire every day, if we just follow their 4 simple steps. Well, I have news for you people – Life doesn’t work like that.

Some days are difficult days, whether you like it or not. Today has been one of those days for me. The weather here doesn’t help – endlessly grey skies spilling mid-winter tears so that it never really gets light…

But for me, today was supposed to be a good day. I was due to start a new creative process that I have been putting off for literally years. Instead, I got news that I couldn’t start it today, and what’s more, the person I was supposed to start it with has backed out, and I don’t know where I will find another one. And it was important for my future….

I wish I could say that I applied all the principles I teach to breathe into this situation, recalibrate and get to work anyway. 

Actually, I have sat crushed for most of the day, achieving almost nothing other than clearing my kitchen, and managing somehow to stick to my commitment to write this blog. And consoling myself with the fact that it’s only about midday on the west coast of America.

Actually, my real consolation has come from a few really good friends, who have either listened to my woes (and really listened, and not handed out unrequested advice), or just sent me texts letting me know they were thinking of me.

We all need support systems, and no more so than on difficult days and at difficult times. So today and in these next few weeks, reach out to your support systems when you need them, and ask yourself who might need your help, comfort and support at this time. Sometimes we get so involved in our busyness or our problems, that we fail to notice that others are struggling. Keep checking your peripheral vision…

Art with grateful thanks today from the amazing Jenny Reyneke, whose work can be found at https://reynekeart.wixsite.com/artist-portfolio/works-2016

 

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Advent Reflections for Single Parents & Other Rare Species 3

December 3rd

 

The Advent of the Festive Season is both a time for reflection, and often a time for old triggers to resurface, unwanted.

Yesterday I reflected that making decisions required intention, will and commitment. In the past, my habitual response to difficult circumstances, was to either grit my teeth and power through with grim determination, or to collapse. I have slowly been learning the power of gentleness. (And for those of you who know me well, I did mention the words slowly, and learning). My default position when I am frightened has definitely been ‘the best form of defence is attack’. And when I am triggered, it is still one of those unwanted reactions that I deal with sometimes better than others. 

Sometimes we find it easier to be gentle with others than ourselves. Today I would invite you to be gentle with yourself, as you keep your own candle lit and your flame alive in this time of darkness. And also that gentleness shares much with compassion

With thanks to my lovely friend Natacha Dauphin for the image and words from her books. Find her, and them at https://www.natachadauphin.com/

For over 6 years I have been leading a Monday morning meditation – until lockdown, in person, and thereafter, online. Here is a recording of an in-person meditation from Winter 2019 on the theme of Gentleness.

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Advent Reflections for Single Parents & Other Rare Species

December 1st

I have been a single mother for more years than I care to think about, so I am well accustomed to the feeling of dread which arises at the advent of the ‘festive’ season when people start asking me what I am doing for Christmas. Moreover, this year will be the first where I don’t see my daughter – she graduated last year and is off travelling the world.

A few weeks ago I went to visit my nephew and family at their new house, and I found this fun snowman advent calendar for his young daughters.

In the few days that he sat smiling at me before my trip, I rather fell in love with his cheerful face, and so when I discovered a fellow snowman on my next trip to the shop, I bought one for myself.

I was communing with him the other morning, and had an idea. This year I am going to make Advent a positive time. I am going to write a daily blog with something inspirational – mostly things I’ve collected from other people (thank you @Robyn Gordon). Occasionally I might add something personal, or one of my photos, and maybe even a meditation or two. 

I don’t want to put pressure on myself. But I do want you to know that if you find this time of year difficult, sad, lonely, don’t suffer alone, and there are ways to change your mind and perhaps allow yourself some joy.

Loss can feel more acute at this time of year, financial hardship more difficult. But research shows that we can find as much happiness in small, daily interactions, as with what people would term ‘real relationships. So this Advent, I encourage you to make as much as possible of what daily interactions you might have with others – and also to go out and make some! And if you have none, feel free to write to me on here, and I will do my best to respond.

Please feel free to share this with anyone who you think might be struggling at this time of year.